Love Is My Reason
by jls62113
Summary: Rick and Michonne dealing with a loss of hope. Nice little one shot.


**Love Is My Reason**

Rick sat up watching Michonne as she slept. Things had not been going well for her lately. A few months earlier she confessed about trying to get pregnant. He always believed that children come along when they're supposed to whether you're ready for them or not, planned or not planned. That wasn't what was bothering her, not really.

He observed how she started to just go through the motions of living day to day. She wasn't herself, and hadn't been for a while. The only time he saw glimpses of how she used to be was when she played with Judith or talked to Carl. He thought she would be alright after a while, but last night when they made love, she had tears in her eyes and wouldn't explain why. He stopped immediately and held her until she went to sleep, and then he sat up for the rest of the night wondering why she had been crying.

He heard Carl get up early and get in the shower. Rick got up and dressed Judith.

"Carl." He said peeking in his room. "Would you go to the Miller's and ask if they wouldn't mind keeping Judith today?"

"Sure Dad, is everything alright?"

"Yeah."

Carl and Judith left just as Michonne was waking up.

"Was that Carl?"

"Yes, he took Judith to the Miller's."

"Why, I was getting up."

"To aimlessly go through another day?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're not here anymore."

"What?"

"I've known you for a couple years now. I've seen every facet of you. This is a side of you I've never understood. I've only seen it once and that's when we took Noah home and that community wasn't there anymore. You had your hopes up for that place and I saw your hope vanish right before my eyes. I'm seeing that now."

"You're wrong."

"Why would I make it up? Are you telling me I don't know you?"

"No." She said quietly.

"And please explain to me why you cried when we make love last night?"

She closed her eyes and looked away.

"Is it because you don't want me anymore?" He said quietly.

She looked at him and tears formed in her eyes.

"No Rick, that's not the reason."

He mentally exhaled and sat down on the bed.

"Last night after you went to sleep, I thought back at what drives me, what keeps me going. What made me lead a group of tired and hungry people over 60 miles to a safe place. I thought, would I do the same thing if I didn't have Carl and Judith. The answer was yes because I found myself doing that before I knew Lori and Carl were alive. I do it for love. I wouldn't do it for just a safe place to live or food and water without love in my heart. I would burn myself out, I know I would. I would just run until I dropped and died. What little I know of the Bible says we are supposed to love one another. Love drives me to wake up every morning and check the wall, make sure you, our children and everyone in Alexandria are safe. Love is my reason for still breathing. Love is the reason why I don't drive up to Negan's sanctuary and kill as many of them as I could before they killed me. What I do is not for me Michonne. If it was for me, I wouldn't be here. When I fell in love with you, my reason became even more meaningful." He got up and went to the window to look out.

"You and I, along with our friends and even the psychos we've run in to are plagued by the darkness of this world. We can't escape it, or go around it, all we can do is go through it. You've covered a lot of miles alone, experiencing horrors only you know the full story of. I know some of it you've hidden down deep and every now and then it burst out of you and weighs heavy on you. I can help you with that whenever you want me to, but how can I give back hope to you? How can I help you find it again? I would do whatever it would take because I need that in you. I need you to be that Michonne who is full of hope. The Michonne who can take the piss and vinegar out of me with just a look because she has hope. I lead differently now than I did before because of you. I need you to be hopeful Michonne. I can't do any of this without that in you, especially now. I can't put hope in you, I can only show it to you, just look at me looking at you, that's my hope. My hope is you because you are my future. I can see where we're going because you have hope for it."

Rick left the room and she heard his boots going down the stairs and out the front door. She was struck numb and speechless. She knew this man loved her, but not to the extent he just told her. She knew Rick Grimes. Knew these words were not idle; simply spoken to get her out of her funk. She never knew his reason for always going forward. She only saw him stop once and that was when his wife died. Then she saw a drive in him after they met, and he just told her what that was. It was her. She had been right when she told him that he needed her, but she only meant to get Glenn and Maggie out of Woodbury. It proved to be deeper than either of them imagined. It was their souls connecting and finding hope in each other. She had let issues that no longer mattered cloud that. He was why she was there. He showed her how to love again, and through all of his pain and suffering, he never lost his ability to love the way she had.

Rick went out on the porch and looked out across the part of Alexandria he could see from his porch. He knew Michonne would always rise to the occasion, but he didn't want her turning into machine. He poured what he had out to her just now, and hoped she would open her heart and let it in. He moved to the corner of the porch and stood with his back against the rail. He folded his arms and looked down at the ground.

Michonne showered and got dressed. She looked in the mirror and was starting to see that hollow person she had been once. She closed her eyes and recalled the way Rick looked at her through the fence at the prison, and when she would come back from a run, and his smile when he first kissed her. When she opened her eyes again, they were full of tears, but there was a smile on her face. She quickly ran down the stairs and saw the front door wide opened. Rick did that on cool summer mornings and after things cooled down from a hot summer day. She walked through the doorway and saw him on the porch. He looked up at her and saw her smile which made him smile.

"Good morning." He said as if their previous conversation hadn't taken place.

"Good morning."

She walked out onto the porch and stood some distance from him.

"I haven't told you lately that I love you." She said smiling shyly.

"What? I can't hear you from way over there."

She closed the distance between them, leaned against him and put her arms around him.

"I love you Rick."

"I love you too."

"Those things you said, you were right. I was letting trivial nonsense cloud what we have going on here, you and me. I'm sorry I cried last night. That must have been frustrating to you."

"Not particularly. You needed something else last night. I just wanted to know why you were crying."

"There are things hidden that I can't share right now, but one day I will. Apart from you checking me out, your eyes tell me how you feel about me. The first time you kissed me, the smile wasn't only on your face, it was in your eyes, it's always there when you look at me. I've seen our future in them too. That's what I'll focus on."

"So my eyes are your reason for hanging in there?"

"Not really. Don't' get me wrong, they make me weak, but it's what I see in your eyes. That's my reason."


End file.
